Ok. I can’t take it anymore. You need to know this.
The other day is was checking in with my friend who is 2 weeks postpartum, and she just kept sounding like she felt like she sucked at this whole mom thing. She doesn’t. She has a beautiful healthy baby. She is giving him so much love, has help from her wonderful family, has all of his best needs in the forefront of her mind, and she’s still running her business. While on a “maternity leave” that basically just means she is working from home.
Here we are. A few long and delirious weeks in our new home. 90% of our belongings trapped on a dock in Nassau, the other 10% put away in some haphazard ‘we have no furniture’ way. The air is beginning to crisp. My favorite uniforms (sweaters, jeans and boots) are back in play. And the holidays are quickly approaching. So, how are we?
Well. We are doing amazing. Sure, Jeff’s hours are longer than they were the last few years, and Reegy’s ability to get into EVERYTHING is growing daily. I’m exhausted by her consistently have more energy than me, but I have never been happier. Cheesy. Fine. But true. Slowly we are making this house our home. And while the vast empty spaces are far from ‘finished’, they are quickly filling with memories and love.
Here we are. It’s been 3 years since we left LA, as an engaged couple, and while it feels like yesterday, I’m also light years away from where I was there. Emotionally, leaving LA I was a train wreck. I had no identity outside of wanting to act. No self worth without validation from others. And heavy, heavy fears of what was next for me. But I knew, even through the legendary meltdowns, I was going in the right direction.
Jeff and I have lived a lot of life in these past 3 years, and now it’s becoming time for the next chapter. This winter we are officially moving to Atlanta, GA. Next week we will be heading there to house hunt, and in these last few months, I’m trying to take every second to soak up this island life with our baby girl.
We are so excited for what’s next, but I want to take a moment to be take in what I have learned here.
If you follow me on Snapchat, you know that Reegs has made her way into our bed. Once again co-sleeping was a “When I have kids, I’ll never…” (*Remind me to never say never again.) It started with mornings. After the 5am feeding I would wave the white flag and pull her in for cuddles, and max sleep efforts. Then family visited and the air mattress took over her room. Then she started rolling, and getting her arm stuck under her. So, after going in every 5 minutes, I once again surrendered. Last week she started putting her arms and legs through the crib slats, and we decided that until her crib bumper arrives (island life over here!) co-sleeping it is. The cuddle bug is in all her glory.
I have been trying to figure out how to write this post for a while. Announcing on Facebook takes 2 sentences, but the excitement and ideas of being able to share this with all of you have been overwhelming.
So to start off. We’re having a Baby!!!! And I’m due February 4th!
It is the most exciting thing in my entire life, but for weeks it was terrifying.
Last October, I found out we were pregnant with my first pregnancy. I was home alone. And like most girls, took pregnancy tests all the time just in case. I took one, never ever thinking it would be positive and boom… 2 lines. I was heading to Miami that night, and J was out of town for work. I called him and we both flipped out and cried. Immediately we felt like, ok here we go! I had a doctor’s appointment, saw the yolk, got a blood test done, told my family, bought maternity shorts, and started researching the nursery. A few weeks later we were given the devastating news that we had lost the baby. For weeks, I cried. Within the few prior months, we had several friends have tragic pregnancy and birth stories. Situations I didn’t know could happen or at least I thought could never happen to people I know and love, and all the sudden here we were with our blissful baby bubble popped. I wondered if I would ever have a baby, and if I could, if it was possible to enjoy a pregnancy after this.