Bra + Underwear c/o of Aerie in support of #AerieReal Body Image Movement
I’ve grown into loving my body more in my 30’s, after two babies, than ever before…
I’m about to get really honest because women need to hear each other.
You are beautiful. And you can start believing that TODAY.
I have struggled with my body image since middle school. You can struggle at any age, shape, or size. But you should know that you do not have to stay in that struggle.
I can vividly remember everything anyone ever said about my body since I was 13 years old. Everything. I remember boyfriends telling me I’d be prettier if I wasn’t so pale, dance teachers talking about my butt being in the way of my arabesque, talent managers telling me I needed to wear heels to auditions because I was too short, stylists stuffing my bra, being 6 months postpartum at Sandals and being told I couldn’t do something because I was clearly pregnant… the list goes on and on and on.
Maybe that seems silly to some, but to me it was occurrences that made me feel like I was never enough.
In my 20’s, I was living in Los Angeles to chase my dreams, but instead I was being flooded by insecurities. I would sob over feeling embarrassed by my skin breaking out or worried I wasn’t thin enough, or busty enough, or tall enough, or blonde enough, or unique enough. I was less than 110 pounds at 5ft tall and a size 00 panicking consistently about my body.
I could not get comfortable in my skin, and it crippled my acting opportunities as well as my personal relationships. I was chronically unhappy. It’s not necessary to give more detailed examples, but I’ll tell you there’s plenty burned in my brain. Moments I’m sure no one else remembers. Moments that I looped daily for years.
When I was about 24, my sister came to LA and was wondering why I wore black all the time. Not like a goth situation, just a very Basic B situation. I was always a very creative dresser and suddenly she was wondering where that Candace went. I told her I didn’t want to be noticed. She was baffled. “Candace, you came to LA to be an actress and you don’t want anyone to notice you?!” I couldn’t get past it. I wouldn’t wear statement earrings, I’d wipe lipstick off before the night ended worried I looked ridiculous, I would show up late to events because I was crying.
It just got out of control.
In my later 20’s, I started a blog. It was a style blog that did decently well. My husband and I got great at taking gorgeous photos, we did a few brand partnerships, but it was skin deep and aimless. By skin deep I mean I would fall apart before, during, and after shoots. I wanted a voice so badly, I wanted a community so badly, I wanted so badly to feel proud of something I was working hard on, but I was crumbling inside.
When my first daughter, Reegan was born I shut the blog down. I couldn’t handle the idea of OOTD shoots in my postpartum body.
I kept waiting for the bounce back.
2 years and another pregnancy later, and I’m learning not to care what anyone thinks about my body. Not to give that noise space in my life.
Our bodies are blessings. They are vehicles that allow us to experience life. Allow us to go after our dreams. And criticizing the car that gets you there, is a waste of time and energy.
Sure, I would love to be in tip top shape, but I have a 5 month old. It’ll get there. I have other things to focus my bandwidth on.
As long as I’m taking care of myself, and give my body it’s best bets… I’m giving myself grace.
This year I learned the word grace in personal terms. I learned how to offer myself grace, and I learned that I would never want to talk about a friend’s body the way I have talked about my own. I would never want a friend to think about their own body the way I have thought of myself.
The birth of Julia was an emotional whirlwind, as births are, but the other side of 2 daughters has left me realizing that the way I treat my body and talk about my body is showing them how to treat and respect their own.
Enough is enough.
BEAUTY is not a size, a height, a weight, or a color… Beauty is a light that beams from within. Beauty is mission. Beauty is connection. Beauty is listening. Beauty is sharing. Beauty is loving those around you. Beauty is SHOWING UP. Showing up for this world, for the ones you love, and for YOURSELF.
I hope in sharing this, you shut down your noise today, and tomorrow, and the next day.
I hope you know you aren’t alone in having that noise.
I hope you see that that noise does not define you.
Fake it until you make it.
Today, look in the mirror and tell yourself 5 things you LOVE about yourself!
Because you are REAL and that is BEAUTIFUL.
I reached out to Aerie for this post because while I live in their clothing, I truly love their message and I wanted to hold myself accountable. Aerie Real is un-retouched photos. In my FromCtoC days, I could not have stomached that idea. But for my mommas, my friends, my sisters… YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
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I am so grateful to companies like Aerie for pushing the pendulum.
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